Isn’t it obvious, I’ve been reading it way too much.

Maybe it would be nice if someone (aka. me) launched a local version of Valleywag.

For the unitiated, Valleywag can be described as the tabloids for geeks– or the TMZ for nerds (pick your poison). It is a gossip weblog in the Gawker family with notable blogs such as Gizmodo, Lifehacker, and Fleshbot [NSFW]. And they do have local versions of their blogs (e.g. Australia and Japan).

But what if there was a local, version of Valleywag. What is there to gossip about? Since we don’t have a lot of hip Silicon Valley or Web 2.0 companies in this country, we’re pretty much stuck with what we got for ourselves– BPOs.

This is a probable preview of the first and ONLY article a Filipino Valleywag would have.

Sex In BPOs Reach All Time High. DoH Intervenes By Giving Agents Free Condoms. Church Condemns Call Centers.

Writer unintentionally makes alliteration. Agents reply: “We would rather be called ‘contact centers’, thank you very much”. Non-voice BPOs have no comment.

Yep. That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

The next set of lines came into being when I told my mother that I might start my comeback tour into dating. My mother has a metaphorical allegory and humor that only a son can love, and understand, and comprehend. I don’t think you might find it funny, but at least I hope you can comprehend. You all went to grade 1, right?

Pardon the language but it’s funnier in it’s almost exact form. But if you know me well enough, I don’t give a shit.

Alam mo anak, kunwari may makita akong gusto kong bilhin. Kaso, masyado siyang mahal. Talagang pagiisipan ko iyan. Kaya mahilig ako sa window shopping. Mahilig akong tumingin-tingin ng mga bagay-bagay na baka gusto kong bilhin. At marami akong tinitignang mga bagay-bagay. Kaso nga lang, mahal sila most of the time. Kaya talagang pagiisipan mo kung bibilhin mo yung bagay na iyon. If it’s worth it, eh di talagang bibilhin ko, ‘di ba? Pero kung hindi naman ganung ka-sulit pero gusto ko pa rin siya, maybe later na lang. Pero, kung mag-sale yung tindahan, eh di talagang bibilhin ko na diba? Kaya tignan mo… ‘di ba pupunta ka dun sa 90% off Crocs sale sa may Megatent?

You know there’s something you need right here and now
To fill the space inside of yourself, oh, with money, love or power
When you want to have the number one first run anyone
You’re crazy ’til you own them, You ought to know better than that, girl
The more that you buy the less you get back, you could say

(Hall and Oates, Possession Obsession)

I was never really that anal about grammar. And I guess I never really am, which is weird for a writer but then again I’m not a good one in reality. But recently, I have been really, really annoyed at certain grammatical mistakes. That’s why that there are times that I just really, really, really enjoy writing something as nonsensical (aka. full of nonsense) as a blog entry that doesn’t really demand me to be all a-hole on grammar. So you shouldn’t too.

Oh, about the grammar anality? You don’t really have to know. If you’re a friend, you would know. But then again, I don’t have much friends.

So, what’s the set-up all about?

I noticed a single Facebook wall post on my profile that really caught my attention. It was posted by a friend of mine, Marah Giron. Of course, someone puts something in your Facebook wall, you ought to assume that you’re friends, right?

First of all, yes, even girls bullied me back in the day. And it really scarred my psyche, until I found out the amazing distraction that is online pornography.

But unto more pressing matters

If you notice, she has misused the possessive apostrophe unto my name. Now normally, I would just comment on it on my Facebook wall; but, it dawned upon me to really understand the possessive case of the peculiar name structure that is my nickname.

Back in elementary, we were taught that on making one’s singular noun a singular possessive noun, one must affix an apostrophe and an “s” at the end of one’s singular noun to make thus possessive. But back in the day, we weren’t taught grammatical rules by our teacher using the word “one” and  ”one’s” because we they assumed we were stupid. So, stupid people, I shall use examples of singular nouns turning into singular possessive nouns.

CAT → CAT’S
(e.g. BJ Crisostomo shaved the cat’s whiskers because he is a mean, mean boy.)

PEN → PEN’S
(e.g. The pen’s tip is oozing with ink. In tagalog, we say: ‘tumatae ang ballpen’.)

DOG → DOG’S
(e.g I hate dogs. They’re disgusting.)

and finally

CHESKA → CHESKA’S
(e.g. Cheska’s cute, although I like her more with short hair.)

Oops, sorry. Wrong usage.

But I guess you get the gist of it all, right? And in fact, if you don’t get it prior to the stupid examples means that you deserve to stay in elementary.

Those were easy nouns. Now we go to more complex cases of singular possession– my name.

With singular nouns ending in “s”, they jury’s still much out since we all know to basically omit adding an additional “s” after the apostrophe.

So, where to turn to in this time of need? I consulted the only unbiased source in the whole world– this wikipedia entry.

If the singular possessive is difficult or awkward to pronounce with an added sibilant, do not add an extra s; these exceptions are supported by The Guardian, Emory University’s writing center,and The American Heritage Book of English Usage. Such sources permit possessive singulars like these: Socrates’ later suggestion; James’s house, or James’ house, depending on which pronunciation is intended.

Classical, biblical, and similar names ending in a sibilant, especially if they are polysyllabic, do not take an added s in the possessive; among sources giving exceptions of this kind are The Times and The Elements of Style, which make general stipulations, and Vanderbilt University, which mentions only Moses and Jesus. As a particular case, Jesus’ is very commonly written instead of Jesus’s – even by people who would otherwise add ’s in, for example, James’s or Chris’s. Jesus’ is referred to as “an accepted liturgical archaism” in Hart’s Rules.

So, my name and my possessive form is the haven of grammatical anarchy! It could be whatever I want it to be. It is fun that my possession is reflective to that of Jesus freakin Christ! Hopefully one of these days you’ll see me walking on water, healing the sick and feeding five thousand people.

Oh crap. There’s crucifixion involved as well.

So, that’s your grammar lesson for the day, kids. And just in case you were really looking for a post relating to 80’s pop music, here’s Hall and Oates with their hit single Possession Obsession.

Enjoy

Since we all know she’s way out of my league, I think I’ll spend this Valentine’s Day (or season or whatever) like I always do, fantasizing. And this year, what better way to fantasize but to think of five “very special” women whom I want to have a V-day date with. They’re “very special” that in a sense, they’re fictionalized in the world of TV land, because one has to challenge the way one can be pathetic.

Oh, when I mean have a date with, it’s innuendo for sex.

Note: most of these women, if not all are not the lead character type. I’m more the rootin-for-the-underdog type of person (except for the 2007 New York Giants– bastards).

Source: wikipedia

Anyone who does not love NBC’s Chuck is most likely a part of Team Leno. Yeah, blame the weird logic.

I love Jordana Brewster’s portrayal of Jill Roberts in Chuck. Yeah, I’m not for that Sarah-Chuck pairing so sue me. And yeah, Jill is much prettier than Sarah.

I like Jill because she’s the prototypical hot geek (unlike Olivia Munn– poser). Perfect balance of beauty and brains. And did you know that she’s a fucking secret-agent-villain-type-of-character-or-something-like-that? Wow.

If the writers of Chuck are as wise ass as I am (I’m a wise ass, but more on the ass part), they should develop this relationship in the long run of the show.

(Note: if you follow the series as I do, I’m not yet into that Hannah-Chuck bandwagon (played by Kristin Kreuk). I haven’t seen much of character development yet. So yeah).

4) Sue LaRoche-Van der Hout from 30 Rock

“I like to go to Tasti D-Lite”

The obvious choice from that series must be Liz Lemon. But that’s just too easy to tell, right? Maybe in the utopian future I’ve set myself to believe in, I would love to marry a comedy writer. I haven’t met any girl who is as funny as hell and still have some semblance of hotness or cuteness. Sue LaRoche-Van der Hout (portrayed by Sue Galloway) is a character that I would love to be with. Plus, that accent– scrumptious!

Oh fun fact, real life Sue is married to real life Lutz. Cute.

3) Zoe Graystone from Caprica

Source: Caprica website over at SyFy

If you haven’t seen Caprica, you should. And no, you don’t really need to be knee deep in the shit of the Battlestar Galactica franchise. If you’re into robotics, religion, hot girls and a little bit of hardcore sci-fi (oxymoronic? yeah) then Caprica is the series for you.

Oh, and there’s Zoe Graystone.

Fine, nerds, she’s 17; but, if you set your frakin facts straight, Alessandra Torresani is 22 years old– and by herself alone she’s pretty hot. Zoe Graystone is another of those beauty and brains type of girls. Being the daughter of a genius, she has inherited that trait with the relatively hotness of her mother. So yeah, perfection.

Plus she’s a monotheist. You won’t get that part unless you watch the series.

One big drawback though…

The real Zoe Graystone character is actually dead and the Zoe Graystone character we see is just an avatar and this avatar now resides inside this cylon body.

Iww

(Image source: Battlestar Wiki)

2) Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory

This is not non-fat yogurt. This is fatty-fat-fat yogurt!

Wow. She is cute. Really, she is. Bernadette is one of the unsung characters in TBBT that just brings life to somewhat a series that is slowly approaching “jumping the shark” status.

No, Virginia, I’m not really into Penny. As much as Kaley Cuoco is hot, her characterization is pretty much canned as that normal girl trying to understand the dynamics of geekdom. Bernadette has this character depth that I love. And she has those red-framed glasses. Ooh, I love red-framed glasses.

Plus, she’s kinda crazy. And all my friends know, I like the “kinda crazies”.

Oh yeah, she has cute boobs.

Oh, Melissa Raunch, the actress who portrays Bernadette, she’s an amazing comedienne. You should check her out in this video.

Nice

1) Glee’s Emma Pillsbury, Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray

Now that’s a threesome to die for, right?

Blondes? Brunettes? Redheads? Why not pick all?!

Call me a cheat, but I guess you can’t really separate one from the other in this amazing trifecta of awesome hotness with a dash of the crazies. Each of them contain amazing entertainment value with a somewhat decent singing voice intertwined with the utopian dystopia that is Gleeland.

Much like anyone else, I am excited to watch Glee once again once that stupid-singing-contest-show-on-Fox-with-the-lesbo-and-the-guy-with-the-nipple-shirt end. Really?! Who watches that shit anyways?

Now, I leave you off to join your loved ones as we all celebrate this season’s greatest holiday…

Happy Chinese New Year Motherfuckers!

Photo on top taken by my friend, Jopie Sanchez. Photo used without her permission… Yet…

Really, I still have some things to work at the backend. But, you don’t need to know that, right?

Because saying “Hello World” is not good enough these days for you motherfuckers.

No, I don’t (want to) do Tumblr

I can certainly see the attraction to a Tumblr blog, and I can also see why people would think they’re more convenient for everyone else. Maybe I just prefer to have a little more distinction when it comes to what kind of data I’m intaking, and when. (Veronica Belmont. Taken from her Nov 18, 2007 blog entry)

To be honest, I like the hilarity and the creativity that people in Tumblr does. I mean will all that graphic design and media sharing and all that, I was intrigued to follow in the bandwagon.

But then again, I pondered unto myself: “WTF, man! I’m barely able to manage two active social network accounts.” My Facebook is already swamped with stuff like Farmville requests and photos tagged to me that are just for promotional purposes only. Really, I think I have more photos tagged unto me that are for an event or for “10 reasons why you’re single” than of me. By the way, I have more than 10 reasons to believe why I am still single, but I don’t tag it unto myself.

And with my constant interaction with Twitter (please follow me if you haven’t) , why do I need another social network to participate in?

So yeah, that’s why I made this website. So that I could share more of my mastubatory points of view without the “required” social interaction. Really, I’m all for social media and stuff like that; but I’m getting old and I can’t handle all of that at the same time.

Plus, you’re already crossposting your tweets to your facebook page and your tumblrs (is that how you call it, kids?) to your tweets. So it’s not I’m missing out on something. All I’m missing out is your page designs. I’m not that superficial, thank you very much.

Really, is this what I’m missing out on?

Is the personal blog dead?

With the presence of so many social networks to spread your narcissism, has the “art” of the personal blog received a spot in the Internet “has beens” like Tunak Tunak Tun and the Chuck Norris Facts? Seriously, how many stupid shit about Chuck Norris can you make up? I started blogging over eight years ago, using MovableType as my Content Management System (CMS, but that time it wasn’t really called like that). All of my friends also had personal blogs, mostly hosted on Blogspot (which is now my premier source of 12 inch 80’s tracks, but that’s another story).

Then came LiveJournal

Friends Only: The LiveJournal Phenomena

People, especially women, found creative ways of locking out their blog only for their friends. Little did we know that once we’re in, we still encounter that crappy, mundane things about their lives. Like how their PMS sucks.

(At this point, I want you, the reader, to realize that I’m just really winging it in writing this very long blog entry. I’m bored, so sue me. If you’re expecting a work of art from this blog, don’t. Go watch Avatar)

I initially started into the LiveJournal bandwagon because of friends who went to LiveJournal for the sake of the ability of locking out people who you don’t want your blog to be read. Before, blogs were open books for everyone to read. Then, at LiveJournal, it has turned those open books into those diaries with locks in which you give copies of the key to your BFFs. Reasons pertaining into this restricted access to a person’s life stems primarily (on the basis of my personal history) when one of my friends was asked to report to the principal’s office after publicly blogging something about the principal’s homosexuality.

I considered this the beginning of the social network/media boom. LiveJournal was easier than using MT or Blogger. Aside from the fact that you can restrict access to stalkers, it also had a friends page where all your friends blog entries are consolidated for your reading displeasure. Yeah, sure RSS and Atom was alive then, but who has the time to consolidate those RSS feeds when everything you want to read about is in one page? Easier to read. And let’s admit to ourselves, we’re lazy. Plus, being able to finally control who reads your entries has transcended one’s favorite past time from the offline world to the online: backstabbing.

Ooh, that felt good.

(And now, on a very bad segue…)

I still read blogs, personally

Little do we know, but almost everything we read over the Internet are blogs. Sites that I visit every day like Engadget, NFL Fanhouse and TMZ are blogs. And why do I know that? Look in the footer. They’re owned by AOL Blogs. That’s why they’re blogs. Logical enough?

But I do still read personal blogs time after time. Some of them offer better insight than what I read on other people’s tweets or facebook statuses. The good thing I guess about the shift of people posting their “feelings” to social networks is that the quality of personal blogs has steadily increased, even though their frequency is not that much anymore.

Maybe I was born lucky that the blog entries I read are from my friends. My friends, like me, are mostly writers. They post infrequently these days, relegating their wordfart unto the social network ethos. However, when they do, I read. These are the times that you are really amazed at the power of the narrative.

I’m going to take examples of good personal blog entries based on some of my friends.

Here’s one from artist extraordinaire Abigail Yao:

Since last week, sightings of a rat have been reported in our house. Apparently it has been chewing on things on our altar: a candle and the figure of Jesus on the cross of a rosary. Didn’t know rats also partake of the Body of Christ!

A rat also climbed up my canvas (leaving footprints and tracks of its nose rubbing against wet oil paint) and chewed corners of frames and bags of art materials, but I wouldn’t call it an artistic rat just yet.

One rat has been caught using a trap and a little Ques-O. We suspect it’s not the only one. Say cheese! (The Religious rat. January 30, 2010)

Here, we see Abby amplifies a seemingly mundane event into a narrative that is both eye pleasing and intellectual. Wait, cut out the eye pleasing part because of the rats. Now that beats reading a girl’s struggle in her nth PMS.

Yes, Rats >  your PMS.

Here’s another excerpt from fiction extraordinaire Sasha Martinez:

There’s the thrill of discovery too—a pat on the back for the fourteen-year-old who discovered Faulkner in “A Rose for Emily”: what other piece could prompt the realization that one could write about anything beautifully? The stories in Alfred Yuson’s Eight Stories have always been instrumental—I read them quite young, and I found out that Hey, being a writer isn’t an exclusively Western thing; people can be writers here in the Philippines too (the realistic dimensions of that epiphany requires a whole ‘nother space). (sunday salon || Reading the Short Story. January 21, 2010)

I’ve always been amazed with her writing style. Her entertaining, yet intellectual delivery of words is one for the ages. Just wait and see when she gets drunk!

Finally, here a more masculine narrative from Palanca award winning writer extraordinaire, Martin Villanueva

After getting X-rays nurses had us wait in one of the consultation rooms of Wang’s clinic. He wasn’t around yet but I was assured, as usual, that I’d be the first patient he’d see. They snapped a couple of the X-ray slides onto the lighted board. I inspected them while waiting.

–I can’t for the life of me see a break.

–It’s probably just muscle.

My dad was convinced and so was I, really. The metal appeared solid and where it should’ve been, and the bone seemed to wrap around it just fine. There was no reason to believe otherwise. When Wang arrived he went straight to the slides, inspecting them slowly and silently.

–How long has it been since the surgery?

–Six years.

–Hmmm.

He sat down on his chair, took off his glasses.

–It broke. (Trapped. January 15, 2010)

I saw him days after when I went to visit my alma mater to sound design BJ Crisostomo’s thesis play. He was in crutches and was aided by his girlfriend. I asked what happened, he told me to read his blog. Then I realize: “Wow. You can’t learn everything about a person’s life over Twitter. You do have to read a ‘real’ blog entry time after time.”

Thank you, Martin for reminding me that personal blogs have a purpose after all– to be more sensitive towards you.

When I say “Hello World”, I kinda expect the World would reply “Hi Yaps!”

So, this is my first official blog post. By tradition, the first post of a blog establishes the tempo of the whole website. It determines what the site is all about… and stuff like that.

To be honest, I have no real intent in making this website. Yeah, I can re-own my domain once again so that when the time comes that I become legitimately famous, I don’t have some squatter owning this domain; forcing me to pay the guy thousands more than the standard domain name price. So yeah, while I have this domain, might as well have fun with it, right?

Before writing this post, I consulted with google on making a successful blog entry and stumbled upon an entry over at Copyblogger entitled “5 Simple Ways to Open Your Blog Post With a Bang“. It was an interesting read, to say the least. Knowing that I’ve written lots of “first entry” blogs over the years, I realize that maybe using a formula for once would make this blog entry interesting. I just hope I interest you as well.

So, based on the formula from Copyblogger, here is my first legit blog entry. Feel free to read the article first before following through so that you don’t get lost. I don’t have the time to stray away and look for you. I’m not Jesus Christ.

1. Ask a Question

Opening your post with a question is a rhetorical device (hence, the “rhetorical question”) that creates curiosity and gets the reader thinking. Thinking equals active engagement with your writing, and that’s a very good thing.

Here’s my rhetorical question:

Why am I writing a blog entry? Am I really that bored? Do I have way too much time in my hands that I cannot just share my opinion on the dumbest things on earth via the social networks I am in? Is this the manifestation of my quarter life crisis?  Will I ever get laid this month? It’s February anyways, so maybe there’s one desperate girl out there, right?

Good enough, so far. Now let’s go to number two.

2. Share an Anecdote or Quote

Anecdotes are quick stories that can make people laugh or immediately establish the main point of your post. A nice quote from a recognizable authority or famous person can also work wonders when holding attention in those crucial opening seconds.

I think I’m choosing the quote path. And now, I’m going to use the wikiquote of the day, since I can’t think of anything else more relevant.

“I’m not playing by their rules anymore!” (Bill Murray as Phil in ‘Groundhog Day’)

A little off-tangent, but it can still work.

3. Invoke the Mind’s Eye

Producing a mental image in a reader’s mind is one of the most powerful things you can ever do as a writer, so expressly engaging the imagination is a powerful opening technique. Activate the mind’s eye of the reader by using words like “imagine,” “picture this,” “do you remember when,” etc.

A bit tricky, but doable.

Imagine a girl walking up to you at the bar. Picture this: she’s wearing those plunging neckline types of dresses and she really has a very nice rack. Do you remember when this never happened to you?

4. Use an Analogy, Metaphor or Simile

Analogies, metaphors and similes are some of the most powerful devices available when it comes to telling a story in a single sentence. This is a great way to capture a reader’s attention and also acts to provoke mental imagery that allows readers to tell a story to themselves.

Now we can go in a more poetic tone:

She is like a hyacinth. They’re beautiful and all, but they’re pests and eat up all the oxygen in the water, killing all the fishies. Poor fishies.

Pure poetry, right?

5. Cite a Shocking Statistic

Starting off with an interesting factoid is also a great technique. People love being provided with interesting data, but only if it is unique, startling, or even shocking. The statistic should also be directly relevant to the point of your post as well.

I’m going to use my favorite factoid: The Daddy Long Legs

Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has one of the deadliest venom known to man? However, they cannot deliver it because they don’t have fangs.

Thank you, Ricky Gervais.

Now combining it all together is sure to be one hell of a blog entry right? Let’s try it out.

But first, we need a title. Taking the Copyblogger article: 10 Sure-Fire Headline Formulas That Work, I am hell bent on making my first, successful blog entry.

Who Else Wants To Not Read This Blog? The Secret of Making The Perfect Midnight Snack Sandwich. Here is a Method That is Helping Monkeys to Stay Off From Their Addiction to Viagra. Little Known Ways to Shuffle your iTunes Library. Get Rid of Viagra-starved Monkeys once and for all. Here’s a Quick Way to Overclock your PC using Your Pee. Now You Can Have An Amazing Date With Your Right Hand Without The Help Of Lotion. Sing like Heidi Montag. Have that Mole Implant You Can Be Proud Of: What Everybody Ought To Know About The Polyphonic Spree

by Yaps Estagle

Why am I writing a blog entry? Am I really that bored? Do I have way too much time in my hands that I cannot just share my opinion on the dumbest things on earth via the social networks I am in? Is this the manifestation of my quarter life crisis?  Will I ever get laid this month? It’s February anyways, so maybe there’s one desperate girl out there, right?

“I’m not playing by their rules anymore!” (Bill Murray as Phil in ‘Groundhog Day’)

Imagine a girl walking up to you at the bar. Picture this: she’s wearing those plunging neckline types of dresses and she really has a very nice rack. Do you remember when this never happened to you? She is like a hyacinth. They’re beautiful and all, but they’re pests and eat up all the oxygen in the water, killing all the fishies. Poor fishies.

Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has one of the deadliest venom known to man? However, they cannot deliver it because they don’t have fangs.

Now, that is a successful first entry. Although there’s something wrong with it…

Now I remember, it’s not SEO optimized.

***

So, that is my first blog entry. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

To be honest, I’m glad that you’ve reached this far. I thought I’ve bored you, the reader, already. I gladly appreciate your patience. I’m really sorry if I fucked up your brain, thinking that there must be something serious in this entry. There is not.

So, as a token of my gratitude, I present you with my favorite Internet memes of all time. It’s an underdog classic:

Enjoy

“Friends Only” image from toothpastefordinner.com

Really, I’m spending more time figuring out plugins and widgets and stuff like that. I can’t really start on focusing with the writing. I have to make sure that the grammar check plug-in is working as it should be.

Yeah, the easter egg I installed came first than the blog. Great.

Once I have time to install a good theme, some plugins and really, really not suck at both Photoshop and Comic Life; I’ll get this thing going.

I promise.

Before Rhem David revokes my free hosting (thanks in part to bluehost as well).