playwright, sound designer, semicolon whore, web pundit and satirist unextrordinaire

Since we all know she’s way out of my league, I think I’ll spend this Valentine’s Day (or season or whatever) like I always do, fantasizing. And this year, what better way to fantasize but to think of five “very special” women whom I want to have a V-day date with. They’re “very special” that in a sense, they’re fictionalized in the world of TV land, because one has to challenge the way one can be pathetic.

Oh, when I mean have a date with, it’s innuendo for sex.

Note: most of these women, if not all are not the lead character type. I’m more the rootin-for-the-underdog type of person (except for the 2007 New York Giants– bastards).

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5) Jill Roberts from Chuck

Source: wikipedia

Anyone who does not love NBC’s Chuck is most likely a part of Team Leno. Yeah, blame the weird logic.

I love Jordana Brewster’s portrayal of Jill Roberts in Chuck. Yeah, I’m not for that Sarah-Chuck pairing so sue me. And yeah, Jill is much prettier than Sarah.

I like Jill because she’s the prototypical hot geek (unlike Olivia Munn– poser). Perfect balance of beauty and brains. And did you know that she’s a fucking secret-agent-villain-type-of-character-or-something-like-that? Wow.

If the writers of Chuck are as wise ass as I am (I’m a wise ass, but more on the ass part), they should develop this relationship in the long run of the show.

(Note: if you follow the series as I do, I’m not yet into that Hannah-Chuck bandwagon (played by Kristin Kreuk). I haven’t seen much of character development yet. So yeah).

4) Sue LaRoche-Van der Hout from 30 Rock

“I like to go to Tasti D-Lite”

The obvious choice from that series must be Liz Lemon. But that’s just too easy to tell, right? Maybe in the utopian future I’ve set myself to believe in, I would love to marry a comedy writer. I haven’t met any girl who is as funny as hell and still have some semblance of hotness or cuteness. Sue LaRoche-Van der Hout (portrayed by Sue Galloway) is a character that I would love to be with. Plus, that accent– scrumptious!

Oh fun fact, real life Sue is married to real life Lutz. Cute.

3) Zoe Graystone from Caprica

Source: Caprica website over at SyFy

If you haven’t seen Caprica, you should. And no, you don’t really need to be knee deep in the shit of the Battlestar Galactica franchise. If you’re into robotics, religion, hot girls and a little bit of hardcore sci-fi (oxymoronic? yeah) then Caprica is the series for you.

Oh, and there’s Zoe Graystone.

Fine, nerds, she’s 17; but, if you set your frakin facts straight, Alessandra Torresani is 22 years old– and by herself alone she’s pretty hot. Zoe Graystone is another of those beauty and brains type of girls. Being the daughter of a genius, she has inherited that trait with the relatively hotness of her mother. So yeah, perfection.

Plus she’s a monotheist. You won’t get that part unless you watch the series.

One big drawback though…

The real Zoe Graystone character is actually dead and the Zoe Graystone character we see is just an avatar and this avatar now resides inside this cylon body.

Iww

(Image source: Battlestar Wiki)

2) Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory

This is not non-fat yogurt. This is fatty-fat-fat yogurt!

Wow. She is cute. Really, she is. Bernadette is one of the unsung characters in TBBT that just brings life to somewhat a series that is slowly approaching “jumping the shark” status.

No, Virginia, I’m not really into Penny. As much as Kaley Cuoco is hot, her characterization is pretty much canned as that normal girl trying to understand the dynamics of geekdom. Bernadette has this character depth that I love. And she has those red-framed glasses. Ooh, I love red-framed glasses.

Plus, she’s kinda crazy. And all my friends know, I like the “kinda crazies”.

Oh yeah, she has cute boobs.

Oh, Melissa Raunch, the actress who portrays Bernadette, she’s an amazing comedienne. You should check her out in this video.

Nice

1) Glee’s Emma Pillsbury, Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray

Now that’s a threesome to die for, right?

Blondes? Brunettes? Redheads? Why not pick all?!

Call me a cheat, but I guess you can’t really separate one from the other in this amazing trifecta of awesome hotness with a dash of the crazies. Each of them contain amazing entertainment value with a somewhat decent singing voice intertwined with the utopian dystopia that is Gleeland.

Much like anyone else, I am excited to watch Glee once again once that stupid-singing-contest-show-on-Fox-with-the-lesbo-and-the-guy-with-the-nipple-shirt end. Really?! Who watches that shit anyways?

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So pretty much that’s my list. If you have any objections towards it– fuck off, it’s my imaginary life, not yours anyways. And to my friends: you all know that in fact, this list, means nothing.

Now, I leave you off to join your loved ones as we all celebrate this season’s greatest holiday…

Happy Chinese New Year Motherfuckers!

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Animated gif from gifninja.com

Photo on top taken by my friend, Jopie Sanchez. Photo used without her permission… Yet…