Because saying “Hello World” is not good enough these days for you motherfuckers.

No, I don’t (want to) do Tumblr

I can certainly see the attraction to a Tumblr blog, and I can also see why people would think they’re more convenient for everyone else. Maybe I just prefer to have a little more distinction when it comes to what kind of data I’m intaking, and when. (Veronica Belmont. Taken from her Nov 18, 2007 blog entry)

To be honest, I like the hilarity and the creativity that people in Tumblr does. I mean will all that graphic design and media sharing and all that, I was intrigued to follow in the bandwagon.

But then again, I pondered unto myself: “WTF, man! I’m barely able to manage two active social network accounts.” My Facebook is already swamped with stuff like Farmville requests and photos tagged to me that are just for promotional purposes only. Really, I think I have more photos tagged unto me that are for an event or for “10 reasons why you’re single” than of me. By the way, I have more than 10 reasons to believe why I am still single, but I don’t tag it unto myself.

And with my constant interaction with Twitter (please follow me if you haven’t) , why do I need another social network to participate in?

So yeah, that’s why I made this website. So that I could share more of my mastubatory points of view without the “required” social interaction. Really, I’m all for social media and stuff like that; but I’m getting old and I can’t handle all of that at the same time.

Plus, you’re already crossposting your tweets to your facebook page and your tumblrs (is that how you call it, kids?) to your tweets. So it’s not I’m missing out on something. All I’m missing out is your page designs. I’m not that superficial, thank you very much.

Really, is this what I’m missing out on?

Is the personal blog dead?

With the presence of so many social networks to spread your narcissism, has the “art” of the personal blog received a spot in the Internet “has beens” like Tunak Tunak Tun and the Chuck Norris Facts? Seriously, how many stupid shit about Chuck Norris can you make up? I started blogging over eight years ago, using MovableType as my Content Management System (CMS, but that time it wasn’t really called like that). All of my friends also had personal blogs, mostly hosted on Blogspot (which is now my premier source of 12 inch 80’s tracks, but that’s another story).

Then came LiveJournal

Friends Only: The LiveJournal Phenomena

People, especially women, found creative ways of locking out their blog only for their friends. Little did we know that once we’re in, we still encounter that crappy, mundane things about their lives. Like how their PMS sucks.

(At this point, I want you, the reader, to realize that I’m just really winging it in writing this very long blog entry. I’m bored, so sue me. If you’re expecting a work of art from this blog, don’t. Go watch Avatar)

I initially started into the LiveJournal bandwagon because of friends who went to LiveJournal for the sake of the ability of locking out people who you don’t want your blog to be read. Before, blogs were open books for everyone to read. Then, at LiveJournal, it has turned those open books into those diaries with locks in which you give copies of the key to your BFFs. Reasons pertaining into this restricted access to a person’s life stems primarily (on the basis of my personal history) when one of my friends was asked to report to the principal’s office after publicly blogging something about the principal’s homosexuality.

I considered this the beginning of the social network/media boom. LiveJournal was easier than using MT or Blogger. Aside from the fact that you can restrict access to stalkers, it also had a friends page where all your friends blog entries are consolidated for your reading displeasure. Yeah, sure RSS and Atom was alive then, but who has the time to consolidate those RSS feeds when everything you want to read about is in one page? Easier to read. And let’s admit to ourselves, we’re lazy. Plus, being able to finally control who reads your entries has transcended one’s favorite past time from the offline world to the online: backstabbing.

Ooh, that felt good.

(And now, on a very bad segue…)

I still read blogs, personally

Little do we know, but almost everything we read over the Internet are blogs. Sites that I visit every day like Engadget, NFL Fanhouse and TMZ are blogs. And why do I know that? Look in the footer. They’re owned by AOL Blogs. That’s why they’re blogs. Logical enough?

But I do still read personal blogs time after time. Some of them offer better insight than what I read on other people’s tweets or facebook statuses. The good thing I guess about the shift of people posting their “feelings” to social networks is that the quality of personal blogs has steadily increased, even though their frequency is not that much anymore.

Maybe I was born lucky that the blog entries I read are from my friends. My friends, like me, are mostly writers. They post infrequently these days, relegating their wordfart unto the social network ethos. However, when they do, I read. These are the times that you are really amazed at the power of the narrative.

I’m going to take examples of good personal blog entries based on some of my friends.

Here’s one from artist extraordinaire Abigail Yao:

Since last week, sightings of a rat have been reported in our house. Apparently it has been chewing on things on our altar: a candle and the figure of Jesus on the cross of a rosary. Didn’t know rats also partake of the Body of Christ!

A rat also climbed up my canvas (leaving footprints and tracks of its nose rubbing against wet oil paint) and chewed corners of frames and bags of art materials, but I wouldn’t call it an artistic rat just yet.

One rat has been caught using a trap and a little Ques-O. We suspect it’s not the only one. Say cheese! (The Religious rat. January 30, 2010)

Here, we see Abby amplifies a seemingly mundane event into a narrative that is both eye pleasing and intellectual. Wait, cut out the eye pleasing part because of the rats. Now that beats reading a girl’s struggle in her nth PMS.

Yes, Rats >  your PMS.

Here’s another excerpt from fiction extraordinaire Sasha Martinez:

There’s the thrill of discovery too—a pat on the back for the fourteen-year-old who discovered Faulkner in “A Rose for Emily”: what other piece could prompt the realization that one could write about anything beautifully? The stories in Alfred Yuson’s Eight Stories have always been instrumental—I read them quite young, and I found out that Hey, being a writer isn’t an exclusively Western thing; people can be writers here in the Philippines too (the realistic dimensions of that epiphany requires a whole ‘nother space). (sunday salon || Reading the Short Story. January 21, 2010)

I’ve always been amazed with her writing style. Her entertaining, yet intellectual delivery of words is one for the ages. Just wait and see when she gets drunk!

Finally, here a more masculine narrative from Palanca award winning writer extraordinaire, Martin Villanueva

After getting X-rays nurses had us wait in one of the consultation rooms of Wang’s clinic. He wasn’t around yet but I was assured, as usual, that I’d be the first patient he’d see. They snapped a couple of the X-ray slides onto the lighted board. I inspected them while waiting.

–I can’t for the life of me see a break.

–It’s probably just muscle.

My dad was convinced and so was I, really. The metal appeared solid and where it should’ve been, and the bone seemed to wrap around it just fine. There was no reason to believe otherwise. When Wang arrived he went straight to the slides, inspecting them slowly and silently.

–How long has it been since the surgery?

–Six years.

–Hmmm.

He sat down on his chair, took off his glasses.

–It broke. (Trapped. January 15, 2010)

I saw him days after when I went to visit my alma mater to sound design BJ Crisostomo’s thesis play. He was in crutches and was aided by his girlfriend. I asked what happened, he told me to read his blog. Then I realize: “Wow. You can’t learn everything about a person’s life over Twitter. You do have to read a ‘real’ blog entry time after time.”

Thank you, Martin for reminding me that personal blogs have a purpose after all– to be more sensitive towards you.

When I say “Hello World”, I kinda expect the World would reply “Hi Yaps!”

So, this is my first official blog post. By tradition, the first post of a blog establishes the tempo of the whole website. It determines what the site is all about… and stuff like that.

To be honest, I have no real intent in making this website. Yeah, I can re-own my domain once again so that when the time comes that I become legitimately famous, I don’t have some squatter owning this domain; forcing me to pay the guy thousands more than the standard domain name price. So yeah, while I have this domain, might as well have fun with it, right?

Before writing this post, I consulted with google on making a successful blog entry and stumbled upon an entry over at Copyblogger entitled “5 Simple Ways to Open Your Blog Post With a Bang“. It was an interesting read, to say the least. Knowing that I’ve written lots of “first entry” blogs over the years, I realize that maybe using a formula for once would make this blog entry interesting. I just hope I interest you as well.

So, based on the formula from Copyblogger, here is my first legit blog entry. Feel free to read the article first before following through so that you don’t get lost. I don’t have the time to stray away and look for you. I’m not Jesus Christ.

1. Ask a Question

Opening your post with a question is a rhetorical device (hence, the “rhetorical question”) that creates curiosity and gets the reader thinking. Thinking equals active engagement with your writing, and that’s a very good thing.

Here’s my rhetorical question:

Why am I writing a blog entry? Am I really that bored? Do I have way too much time in my hands that I cannot just share my opinion on the dumbest things on earth via the social networks I am in? Is this the manifestation of my quarter life crisis?  Will I ever get laid this month? It’s February anyways, so maybe there’s one desperate girl out there, right?

Good enough, so far. Now let’s go to number two.

2. Share an Anecdote or Quote

Anecdotes are quick stories that can make people laugh or immediately establish the main point of your post. A nice quote from a recognizable authority or famous person can also work wonders when holding attention in those crucial opening seconds.

I think I’m choosing the quote path. And now, I’m going to use the wikiquote of the day, since I can’t think of anything else more relevant.

“I’m not playing by their rules anymore!” (Bill Murray as Phil in ‘Groundhog Day’)

A little off-tangent, but it can still work.

3. Invoke the Mind’s Eye

Producing a mental image in a reader’s mind is one of the most powerful things you can ever do as a writer, so expressly engaging the imagination is a powerful opening technique. Activate the mind’s eye of the reader by using words like “imagine,” “picture this,” “do you remember when,” etc.

A bit tricky, but doable.

Imagine a girl walking up to you at the bar. Picture this: she’s wearing those plunging neckline types of dresses and she really has a very nice rack. Do you remember when this never happened to you?

4. Use an Analogy, Metaphor or Simile

Analogies, metaphors and similes are some of the most powerful devices available when it comes to telling a story in a single sentence. This is a great way to capture a reader’s attention and also acts to provoke mental imagery that allows readers to tell a story to themselves.

Now we can go in a more poetic tone:

She is like a hyacinth. They’re beautiful and all, but they’re pests and eat up all the oxygen in the water, killing all the fishies. Poor fishies.

Pure poetry, right?

5. Cite a Shocking Statistic

Starting off with an interesting factoid is also a great technique. People love being provided with interesting data, but only if it is unique, startling, or even shocking. The statistic should also be directly relevant to the point of your post as well.

I’m going to use my favorite factoid: The Daddy Long Legs

Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has one of the deadliest venom known to man? However, they cannot deliver it because they don’t have fangs.

Thank you, Ricky Gervais.

Now combining it all together is sure to be one hell of a blog entry right? Let’s try it out.

But first, we need a title. Taking the Copyblogger article: 10 Sure-Fire Headline Formulas That Work, I am hell bent on making my first, successful blog entry.

Who Else Wants To Not Read This Blog? The Secret of Making The Perfect Midnight Snack Sandwich. Here is a Method That is Helping Monkeys to Stay Off From Their Addiction to Viagra. Little Known Ways to Shuffle your iTunes Library. Get Rid of Viagra-starved Monkeys once and for all. Here’s a Quick Way to Overclock your PC using Your Pee. Now You Can Have An Amazing Date With Your Right Hand Without The Help Of Lotion. Sing like Heidi Montag. Have that Mole Implant You Can Be Proud Of: What Everybody Ought To Know About The Polyphonic Spree

by Yaps Estagle

Why am I writing a blog entry? Am I really that bored? Do I have way too much time in my hands that I cannot just share my opinion on the dumbest things on earth via the social networks I am in? Is this the manifestation of my quarter life crisis?  Will I ever get laid this month? It’s February anyways, so maybe there’s one desperate girl out there, right?

“I’m not playing by their rules anymore!” (Bill Murray as Phil in ‘Groundhog Day’)

Imagine a girl walking up to you at the bar. Picture this: she’s wearing those plunging neckline types of dresses and she really has a very nice rack. Do you remember when this never happened to you? She is like a hyacinth. They’re beautiful and all, but they’re pests and eat up all the oxygen in the water, killing all the fishies. Poor fishies.

Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has one of the deadliest venom known to man? However, they cannot deliver it because they don’t have fangs.

Now, that is a successful first entry. Although there’s something wrong with it…

Now I remember, it’s not SEO optimized.

***

So, that is my first blog entry. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

To be honest, I’m glad that you’ve reached this far. I thought I’ve bored you, the reader, already. I gladly appreciate your patience. I’m really sorry if I fucked up your brain, thinking that there must be something serious in this entry. There is not.

So, as a token of my gratitude, I present you with my favorite Internet memes of all time. It’s an underdog classic:

Enjoy

“Friends Only” image from toothpastefordinner.com